Wedding Planning

In the old days, Chinese marriages were arranged by the parents and usually the parents dominated the bride-seeking process, as well as the basic six rituals, generally known as the three letters and six etiquette.

“Three letters” includes a request letter from the groom’s family to confirm the formal arrangement of a marriage, a gift letter indicating the list/ qty of the gifts, and lastly a wedding letter which would be presented on the wedding day to confirm the union.

“Six Etiquette” includes a formal proposal from the groom’s family with the help of a matchmaker, checking birth dates for compatibility, and about 15-20 days before the wedding day, the groom’s family would send cash and gifts, such as fish, coconut, cakes, and religious items, to the bride’s family, and a wedding banquet on a lucky day.

Wahahahaha, so complicated and I wonder who actually still does these rituals today. I guess most of the Chinese couples nowadays only do 3 steps: meet the parents, send gifts and money to the bride’s family as engagement party, and of course the wedding banquet.

Usually all gifts/ cash need to be in even numbers (odd is bad luck) and here is the list of gifts the groom’s family needs to prepare:

1. lucky money (it would be cool if I can keep some and spend it on my shoes, rt?!)
2. 400 pieces of Chinese wedding cakes/ pastries (what?! How can I fit in my dress after this?)
3. 4 kinds of seafood, such as lobster, shark fin, dried scallop, abalone (yeah, seafood feast!)
4. 3 poultry, such as a pair of chickens and a piece of pork meat.
5. 2 fishes
6. 2 pairs of coconuts
7. 4 bottles of wines
8. fruits & tea leaves
9. and another gift box with lucky money, lotus seeds, dried lilies, sesame, red beans, green beans, red dates, walnut, dried longan, as well as a red string, gold jewelry, and a pair of dragon and phoenix candles.

Then the bride’s family needs to return the following to the groom’s family:

1. tea leaves, sesame and fruits, such as lotus root, taro and pomegranate
2. a towel (is it to remind him to shower everyday? Hahaha, just wonder what’s the meaning?)
3. a basket of cakes, pastries, and sesame balls with lucky money
4. belts, wallets with lucky money, one pairs of shoes and two pairs of socks

Do I scare you with this long list of weird things? We are skipping a lot of them for sure, but will sure give our relatives some Kee Wah bridal cakes or gift certificates. Yep, they are probably the only store in US you may find the traditional bridal cakes with beautiful packaging. As for friends, let’s do beard papa’s cream puff gift certificate. Wouldn’t it be a nice modern option?! Thanks to Canna for this brilliant idea.

image by 唐國書.